THE GREAT INDIAN WEDDING !!

Welcome to the oldest and the longest running Reality Show on the planet!!
Oh Yes! With 40% less body odor and 100% less Rakhi Sawant (or anyone from her family.)

It all begins with guy finding a girl (or a guy, Damn you 377), and after knowing, (what her father has in, stored for him), her better, he proposes to her…

THE PROPOSAL:

The proposal is also super-cheesy. The girl senses that guy is gonna propose, cuz guy has applied soap and perfume after years… the last time he did that was on SCHOOL’S FAREWELL DAY! And he has worn the same clothes that he’s been wearing since last 3 years at the COLLEGE ANNUAL DAY …
The guy quintessentially orders all the Punjabi food with paneer and cashews in it...
While the waiter is away,

RAJESH : sssshila !! Will YOU MARRY ME ???
SHEELA: Oh ! RAJESH ! Yes I Would …

(The girl can’t say no ! as saying a no would mean sharing the bill for the food that has quantum proportions that could feed the whole Africa !! )

(I can’t Figure it out, why the proposal always has to be made in ENGLISH !)

THE MEETING:

Rajesh’s parents meet Sheila’s parents and after checking how SANSKARI is her KHAANDAN (translated as how wealthy they are), the final dialogue goes something like this…

“ Ab ye hamari Beti hai ! Bus hume kuch nahi chahiye … Aapko jo aapki side se dena ho, de dijiyega !!”

THE INVITE:

The invitation card is generally CREAM COLORED with RED FONTS !!
Oh no ! Like GOOGLE WAVE… Marriages too are especially by INVITES ONLY !!
There is a code for invitation : The one who can bring good gifts, gets an invite …

THE RELATIVES, who get the invite stop eating till the marriage day !

1. the girls need to look less pathetic than they actually are !!
2. their main purpose is to stuff all the food in their tummies on the wedding…

THE WEDDING :

The relatives wear Flashiest clothes possible .. No ! seriously, you actually have to wear SUNGLASSES to prevent yourself from the harmful rays emitted out of the saris..

The BRIDE applies so much make up that Rajesh actually is in doubts if she’s the same girl, he proposed to…

The BRIDE”S MOM has wore enough jewellery for BAPPI LEHRI to dig his own grave out of shame !!

The relatives arrive at dinner time and after usual Hellos; they ask, “arre bhai Khaane shaane ka kya intezaam hai ?!!” (shanne doesn’t mean BOOZE at All… JUST saying)

THE FOOD:

It all begins with soup, Now, there are 2 kinds of soups.
the regular tomato soup
the Chinese soup, whose name people can’t pronounce correctly.

No one goes for the TOMATO soup, everyone exalts themselves by the Chinese soup…
The guys, try to woo the laydeejh by all the chivalry at the CHAAT counter...
The WW-III is always fought at the MANCHURIAN and NOODLES counter…

Then comes the true test of a man’s character : To stand in the LOOONG Line for the main serving, everyone looks like Somalian standing for the food packets provided by the UN.
If a man shall behaveth in this line,god shall grant him heaven .Amen ! (Genesis 18:25)

The criticism for the food and the wedding starts after the 3rd serving…

Then comes the BURP !

“Bhai GIFT key PAISE toh VASOOL ho Gaye!! ”

And they Eagerly wait for the next wedding….